My Truman Show
Hi, my name is Chris Roller.
I am the True Man in The Truman Show. The movie was made because of me.
This entire site is not based on reality. To some (comedian/psychiatrist/insane/psycho/sci-fi geek?), it is ~fact. You know who you are. To the rest, it is not reality and can be taken as a funny funny joke I'm conducting and will continue. Do play along though, and confess your sins. I crack myself up. By the way, magic and supernatural does not exist in reality. Any mention of it on this website is part of the fantasy I'm portraying.
I have a patent pending called "Godly Powers". I've created my first service with my patent while tapping into God's knowledge to provide the truth. It's called Truth under Oath - the most impressive service on the planet. Try it. You can see it work. The whole world can see it work. Just follow the instructions. I'm trying to market it at www.HumanTruthDetector.com (www.TruthUnderOath.com), and using the service to help me at www.WishMission.com
And if you're curious about anything, and need God's knowledge, go to Ask.com or other search engine for your answers.
If you want to get my take on this Presidential campaign while feasting your eyes on the Freak, while getting a take on my philosophy, go to www.FreakAndGeek.com.
If you want to hear about my legal battles, visit www.BendmOver.com
My songs are on www.FreakyFied.com
It is a very incredible and complicated story, very similar to the Truman Show. The 'watching' is very similar to the Truman Show - no TVs and cameras though, mostly email and phone monitoring. There are cast members (actors), but they rarely come near me - mainly to protect me, but occasionally to give me hints to My Truman Show (more). Unfortunately, I canít get My Truman Show to end. In the movie, Truman Burbank penetrated the wall containing his world. My solution is not so simple.
Why do I call it My Truman Show, and not The Truman Show. Well, I've asked a couple people who are part of the cast, "Are you running My Truman Show?", and they would reply, "No, you are running it." I would ask, "When is My Truman Show going to end?" They would respond, "When you end it.". Huh? So you see, I have to get My Truman Show to end. Unfortunately, my show is still on-going and not 2 hours long...
If you like the X-Files, you'll love the rest of this...
How has my life been like the Truman Show? I am 41 years old now going on 40. Since 18 years old, when I left Smallville, Kansas and joined the Navy in 1985, the NIS, CIA, and FBI, and many others have been watching me in what will be known as the most important project mankind will ever witness! Why? (The journey to become God). There are numerous reasons. For one thing, because people and companies have said and done some very strange (harmful) things to me in my journey through life. The FBI and others have very passively been protecting me, while watching and gaining evidence of this activity in preparation for lawsuits pending.
The most important reason why these groups started watching me: The CIA has witnessed some supernatural powers exhibited by me. Among some of the powers include levitation of objects - magic done with thought. What's really strange, though, is that I currently cannot witness any of this power (Multiple Timelines) and it only works around certain people (type 1/3 cast members), which makes knowledge and experimentation of this power confusing - remote magic. The end of My Truman Show might be when I can perform this magic and witness it. A step approach to this kind of realization is continuing to perform miracles by healing people.
A key event that led to these groups watching me: I had a roommate named "Ryan" while in a Navy School in Chicago, IL. We occasionally went to Milwaukee, WI to party because the drinking age was 18. Ryan had a high school friend, Mike. They were quarreling and angry at each other. One night while all three of us were in Milwaukee, he talked me into leaving Mike behind at a bar, thus Mike had to shell out a taxi cab fare to get home. I don't know why I did it (peer pressure) - I had nothing against Mike. He now had something against me, though, and through mob connections, had me trailed for years to come, causing me lots of grief and anguish. You know the movie "Saving Private Ryan" - it was named and themed after this event.
The CIA? FBI? I'm crazy, you say? (Realism) Well, believe me, I've wondered the same thing. Imagine if you were in my shoes. What if someone was watching you via stakeout from across the street. How would you prove it - it's tough because they are so covert. That's why I didn't realize until 1999 that people were watching me. How would you prove someone is tapping your phone? Reading your email? I don't worry about it. I invest as little time as possible in trying to prove it because it is so tough to prove. Now 2007, 8 years after I realized I was being watched, I realized I kept a little bit of proof for you to see. I'm just sorry it took me a while to investigate this.
There are a few select people in the entertainment business (quite a few actually) that know all about this. They include Katie Couric, Conan O'Brien, Jim Carrey, Tom Hanks, and Bill Gates.
Why Katie Couric?...because she interviewed my babes/wives.
Wives you ask? Yes, about 20-30 (probably more) wives that are to have
my baby. Why Conan? No, he's not a wife, although we've experimented.
I think he and I are going to team up to be a big part of your lives in the
future - perhaps as President of the United States - not sure when though.
I know I keep claiming movies/shows as my own (more), but I believe the X-Files was ignited from an interview I had in trying to become a Naval Nuclear instructor. Either that, or I'm trying to claim Gillian Anderson as my own. A Beautiful Mind, although based on John Nash, has many correlations to my life (I'm bipolar, have voices in my head, and some think I'm crazy). Harry Potter, with the training of witches and wizards, could be a sign of the future. My show is about as never-ending and frustrating as Groundhog Day, and God's plan changes/unravels the scene to prepare me for the "proper" ending because I can't get laid either. Ed TV and Baby Geniuses are also movies that came out in early '99, during my revelation, as indication that these movies might be mine as well. Also, Joe Dirt is like a Forest Gump for peons, sort of the type 3/5/6/7 version of me. Forest Gump would be the type 1/2/4/8 version of me. Joe Dirt is looking for his parents, whereas, I'm trying to find my babes/wives. Like Joe, I hope to get laid at show's end, and create little Joe Dirts (Chris Rollers). Liar Liar resembles my TruthUnderOath service. "Identity" is a movie about a person/psycho who is living out his imagination - which actually gets projected onto reality. Clark Kent' journey, in the series, Smallville, is so similar to my experience, that if it isn't mine, it sure was a coincidence. As Clark progresses through life, he gets more abilities. And Clark's dad's voice is guiding him in his journey like the Game (angels) did for me. The plot also involves mental illness (rumored vs. actual) in Lex as he evolves to the dark side. I'm claiming 40 Year Old Virgin as mine, and a touch of Demolition Man & Judge Dredd. Here's proof why these shows are mine...have you noticed how good looking Fox Mulder, Forrest Gump, Truman Burbank, Andy Stitzer, Joe Dirt, John Nash, Clark Kent and Lex Luther are?
If you thought the story was bizarre so far, get ready.....
There will be dozens (maybe hundreds or even thousands) of books, movies, and songs about this project when My Truman Show ends. I hope to have my movie written soon. This site is the preview.
A key event that led to these groups first watching me: When I joined the Navy, I had a crush on a Navy female . Like any horny guy, I masturbated in thought of her. But she felt it (like my ghost was having her), and it spooked her, so she reported it, which led back to the CIA. The experience is called spiritual sex. Would you like to try it.
Another important characteristic that led to these groups watching me. The CIA noticed that they can almost will (wish) me to do things. If they wanted me to go to the grocery store, I would eventually go - may not be right away, but eventually. Events like this happened many times. They knew I was psychic. More
In April of 1999, I had a spiritual experience in which millions of spirits
started entering me and are still entering me if I'm spiritually powerful
enough to hold them . I do believe that I was able to hold heaven at
that moment. It made me extremely powerful spiritually. It led
me on a 2.5 month practice journey which taught me how to use my spirituality
and the magic associated with it.
On Oct 31, 2002, a whole bunch of people starting praying for me to become a more powerful entity. It happened!
I think we need to start rethinking how God works and what God is.
The Dawn of a New Age is on the horizon. It will be a new life in which we will be exploring the stars, live forever, create new worlds, bring back Jesus and other deceased, and use our imagination to create and do things never thought possible before.
In the Game of Life, my spiritual journey has been very similar to a Dungeons and Dragons game, where I gain spirituality and strength as the game goes on. Much of the imagery presented to me in my spiritual journey came from a D&D game on my Intellivision game system played when I was young - also current 3D games like Duke Nukem and Doom. In the real game, I am a spiritual warrior armed with a belt containing the force. On my back is a spiritual tank holding my spirits. The more spirits in my tank, the stronger I am spiritually, and the more I can use the force. The tank was small when I was born, but as I progressed in life, the tank got bigger - I could hold more. I wasn't spiritually powerful enough to hold that many spirits until April 1999. Part of the problem with the spirit tank is getting the darn valve open to let the spirits in. I had a huge tank, but the valve wasn't yet open to let them it. I had less than 100 spirits in me before April 27, 1999. The first 6 were spirits of people I knew. It takes a spiritual attraction and/or a big enough tank to get a spirit inside you. Human spirits are big and strong and it is tough to attract them. They wanted to be inside me, and that made it possible - the valve opened momentarily to let them in. It's also possible to hold insect and animal spirits (any kind of spirit) but I wasn't strong enough for that yet - they didn't like me. It took a combination of a certain chemical in a food I ate (like Risperdal/Zyprexa/Depakote) to open up my mind's spirituality, and a lot of spiritual fighting as experience. Just after midnight, the morning of April 26, 1999 (just before sleeping), about 70 spirits or insects I had defeated and animals I had as pets entered me, not because they wanted to, but because they were weaker spirits that I could attract - the valve momentarily slipped open again. I was getting stronger. I could now attract weak spirits and hold them. The next day, there was a hit on my life. About 20 people were trying to defeat me, and I knew who they were psychically as phone call to phone call was made to orchestrate the hit. I would start punching the air, visualizing each person getting punched, in a quest to defeat them before they got to me. It was working - they were feeling it slightly, like an annoying insect, but they knew it was me, and that made them want to defeat me even more. As I progressed in my fight, I found I could use a bow and arrow and shoot them with it. I would visualize the enemy and then launch the arrow. This hurt them more than the fists. As I gained more experience, there was a progression of weapons I could use. I eventually starting using guns, machine guns, and energy fireballs as part of my arsenal, and each weapon hurt my enemy even more. Also, I realized I didn't have to physically punch the air anymore - I could visualize it with my mind. This way, I could launch a faster assault on my enemy, which would land more damage. I did this with the all my weapons as well. For about 3 hours, like a video game battle, I was fighting for my life, but I just wasn't strong enough to hurt or defeat them. The hit man was setting up for a gun shot through my kitchen window when the FBI intervened and apprehended him, and saved me.
The metamorphisation (morph): It was that fight for my life
that I gained enough spiritual experience which unlocked that spirit valve
and opened it up. Just after midnight, in Metropolis, KS, on the morning
of April 27, 1999, millions of spirits starting entering like a stampede,
about 60 per second. It was very turbulent experience - my body was
shaking somewhat violently - and I was instantly sweating. If you would
have seen it occur, you probably would have fainted. It was like something
out of an X-Files episode. It was the most memorable event of my life
- and the most important. After about a minute the shaking had
reduced and the sweating stopped; after about 5 minutes, the feeling was like
the motorcycle buzz you get after riding about an hour. I went to bed
a half hour later, and by morning, the buzz was gone - spirits were still
entering me, but my body was now use to it.
This leads to multiple timelines. You see, these people that I defeated, momentarily died, but they entered into a different timeline (world) which was visible by the type 1 My Truman Show cast members, then at an undetermined time (usually when the different worlds coincided), the timeline unraveled (undid itself), leaving the entire experience unmemorable to everyone in my timeline (our timeline) except the cast members - no one (except type 1 cast members) ever knew they ever died because they didn't die.
Let's consider the 2 timelines as 2 worlds. Before the unravel, both timelines are as one. Let's consider 2 examples. For both examples, let's say I used my magic to make my car into a brand new Porsche from inside my house not in view of my car. The 2 timelines (worlds) are initially as one.
Example 1: After 1 minute, I go to the window to witness the new car. Because I can't witness the magic (it's a rule until My Truman Show ends - why - The Game of Life?), the timelines unravel and my car is unchanged. The 2 timelines (worlds) were together for just 1 minute before separating.
Example 2: My neighbor (who's not a cast member) would witness the new car after 1 hour, then when he knocks on my door to tell me congratulations on the new car, worlds would collide and the timelines would unravel because I can't know that the magic worked - no one can tell me that the magic worked (it's a rule until My Truman Show ends), and when I answer the door, the neighbor now has no idea (or has idea, but doesn't say it) (or may later remember if memory recall occurs) about the new car and simply knocked on my door to say hi to me. Do you see the duality? It's 2 worlds of duality - My Truman Show is filled with duality throughout. When my 2 worlds collide, the timeline separation occurs - this time, it took an hour to unravel.
The alternate timeline is memorable only to type 1 My Truman Show cast members
This is very complicated and I hope I've made it somewhat easy to understand. This phenomenon allowed my defeating and most of my magic in 1999 to be temporary - to be a practice run for when I become God. As I grow stronger, like the power gained from moving to God Level II and III, I should be able to witness the magic, or make steps toward witnessing the magic and eventually eliminate the alternate time line altogether, like performing miracles by healing people. It's also possible the unravel can be a useful and effective tool if I don't like the result of any of my magic.
Even though my enemies didn't die because of the unravel, it turns out that the unravel did not occur before the hit was authorized. The duality of the show...
I'm still learning what happened, mostly via the psychic senses. As I suspected, there are two types of unravel...
This also applied toward re-casting of characters in my show. Recast refers to type 1 being recast into another type. Some type 1s were recast as type 3. Usually type 1s convert to type 6 for the purpose of creating an enhanced gossip network. You have to understand memory repression. These people, when they get recast to type 6, have no memory recollection that they were ever recruited by the FBI. When initially recruited, the FBI give them a telephone number to memorize, so in case they get recast, when they get memory recall, they should remember the phone number. Then they're suppose to give the FBI a phone call so your they can share information. Sometimes after recall back to type 1 the actor cannot recall anything he did as type 6, but he can recall what he did a type 1. It's almost like a split personality. It's can also be cyclic - multiple recasting, from 1 to 6, to 1, to 6, all to aid in the show.
This can also happen for talking to people via psychic communications. These are absolutely unbelievable phenomenons.
This morph (God Level I) started me on an amazing and incredible 2.5 month journey which taught me:
In April of 2000, when I experienced I could hold hell, there wasn't any journey involved, just a 1 minute experience while at work, and a mysterious phone answering machine message stating, "I want to go back". Still not sure what it means. My journey has shown me that messages will make sense at the right time - to be patient, and all will be revealed at the right time.
The escalation of power (God Level II) on October 31, 2002 started by building a big spiritual power plant while I slept that night. This led me on a two month journey which taught me:
Level III occurred on 27 Feb 2005 and the journey lasted about 1 week.
There might be more levels and realizations to my growth, like dimensions after the 4th, alternative universes/realities, phasing like that in Star Trek, and who knows what else. It's also possible that Level III is it. Ah bummer! :)
My journey consisted mostly of type 4 people, but the exciting part of my journey came from type 3 people. The informative part of my journey came in part from type 2 people, television, radio, and email, but mostly from my spiritual angels and type 1 people via psychic communication. I rarely interacted with type 1 people in person, but through mind reading, we talked nearly every day. Type 5/6 people proved to be quite entertaining - about 90% of my show. Type 7 people really disappointed me. At the end of my show, type 3/5/6 and maybe 7/9 were all merged into one cesspool of social dung (over 50,000 people), in a race to try to put me behind bars before they're put there. All actors exhibited a phenomenon called Leak-Through.
There was a 3 year delay to study me and the effects of my magic after Level I journey ended. Some of the magic didn't decay away (timeline unravel) for nearly a year in some places. Also, the delay was made solely because I starting conceiving magic babies.
Then on Thursday, Oct 31, 2002 (God level II), the project progressed and I became a god, or God. The distinction is unclear right now because we're not sure what the future of my offspring will yield - whether they can be a god like me, or like a queen bee, whether there will one god (myself as God) until my time is up. (jealous?)
Future timelines - My angels have looked into the future and told me what the future holds (like a crystal ball). In order to look into the future, this entails looking at an alternate timeline. It turns out that these timelines are very unreliable. Generalities in these timelines are the best information to gather.
I'll have to wait and see. As for the rest of the future, we'll all have to wait and see. Life wouldn't be as exciting if we knew what was coming.
Past timelines - It turns out that past timelines are exact. This means if we wish to see anything in our past we simply jump to the past and watch in read only mode. What I mean by read only mode is that absolutely nothing can be modified in the timeline. So how do we view the time line? With magic cameras placed in a similar fashion to our current day cameras. So who puts the camera's there? My angels do; they are invisible. So I have my invisible angels using invisible cameras to videotape the event in the past timeline.
You might wonder what would happen if we kept Jesus alive and have avoided the crucifixion. We can step into the past to any point in time, and prevent Jesus from dying. At that point, though, the timeline is modified. Even though we can learn from this, it doesn't say for a fact what would have happened. The Force and my spiritual Angels (The Game of Life) sort of guide modifications of timelines to give impressions of what we want to see and how we should see it at this particular time in our life. If we were to go to the same point in a time line and modify it again, the result might be different each time (like in Ground Hog Day), although we can gain generalities from these modified timelines.
Back to the Future - It turns out that timelines cannot be modified like that in back to the future. You cannot jump to the past, modify the timeline, then have it affect the present. The timeline you affect in the past creates an alternate timeline starting from that point of modification. This means there are infinite timelines.
The whole truth and nothing but - Using these timelines, we can explore the past, see what happened, videotape the event, and show it to you via television or the movies. We should be able to show you events like the O.J. Simpson murder investigation, the entire story of Jesus, the fall of the dinosaurs, the building of the pyramids, crop circles, aliens, weather systems, space exploration, and many other mysteries yet unsolved. If you had an interesting life, you can now look back and take a camera and record the event and show it to your friends, or even publish it as a movie. Even though I said earlier that there were no cameras in my show, we can look back and record the events of my past and show them to you as a movie, but you'll be watching my life after the fact, not as it happened.
Good vs. Evil - Where there is good, there is an equal amount of evil. It's like matter and anti-matter - they're equal. For your information, I'm very good. That means there's an equal amount of evil out there - the god form of Hitler or Saddam Hussein - and there's a whole bunch of these evil entities out there in the universe. After we clean up evil here on Earth, we will have to protect ourselves from evil in the universe. We will have a military armed with the special powers to protect us and me. Don't be scared though - up to this point, I believe I am invincible - I don't think I can die. That's good news! But maybe that's how all gods feel when they start out. We don't have much knowledge of gods - currently, there are no cookbooks on god.
The power of God - I'm an infant on the god scale. My power gage goes from 0 to infinity. FYI - infinity is not finite. This means I get more powerful as I gain more experience - i.e. the more I use my power, the more powerful I get, and it will never stop increasing - never! I don't think it will decrease either. I'm not that infantile on the god scale though - I've been gaining power since my morph in April 1999 - that's over 7 years. By the way, that may be when I actually became god (Level 1). October 31, 2002, was an very important escalation of my power to a new level and realization (Level 2). I want to talk to my Angels in person when they come out of hiding to compare notes and find out what happened during my morph in 1999. God Level 2 is the god most people are familiar with - creation of heaven and hell.
When you use the power of god, you can bypass all the physics you've ever learned. You simply use thought to control what happens. This means you can fly to the Moon at whatever speed you'd like, using a magic spacesuit to protect you, experience the moon's gravity, and fly back to earth. You don't have to fly though-you can simply appear there in a split-second if you want to.
You might be wondering how in the world I can produce more than 1,000,000 babies and no one knows about it yet? Well, part of it is the media - they are very good about keeping things quiet about my show. But most of the secret comes from the fact that these ladies have no idea that they have my baby. Reason for this is the duality of my show. You see, most of these ladies have a boyfriend or husband whom they think has conceived the baby. While he's doing her, my spiritual angels fertilizes her egg. Most of these ladies will be white and married, but any black lady having a white husband or boyfriend/lover and having a mixed baby could be mine. Do you see the duality here? A small portion of the 1,000,000 ladies will have no valid reason for being pregnant, and some will be virgins. When this eventually leads to the media, that news never gets to me - it's kept hush hush. The media, especially news media, is a type 1 cast member. If you have a baby born in 2000 or later, it could be mine. (Disappointed?)
On a personal note, I've never read the Bible (I will eventually), but I attended a church called Unity for many years, although I took a test which determined my religion is Unitarian. I believe I am agnostic. I always believed in God, but never knew it was me until recently. I have found that people who base their beliefs on the Bible are somewhat/extremely close minded. They'll have trouble comprehending anything on this web site because it totally contradicts everything they believed in (Religion). Not to mention that this God is really a horny guy that wants to constantly have sex with his babes/wives, swears, masturbates, burps, and farts constantly for the pure pleasure of it. Sorry to disappoint you. On the upside, I haven't been banging boys like many priests in the Catholic church whom most people reside their faith in. :) About Chris Roller. I really appreciate all the songs sang in church in thought of me. Please don't become instant atheists now, and please don't kill yourself over this revelation - mass suicide would weigh on my conscious.
My Truman Show started in Smallville, Kansas. in 1985, and now, 21 years later, I'm back in Metropolis, waiting impatiently for my journey to end so I can begin my next journey. Pray for me. When my show goes public, everyone in the world will be type 1, and my magic should work world-wide.
The Joe Show
A new show is beginning, called the Joe Show. Yep, I have a son named Joe/John who is 17 now, whom I've never formally met. His mother's name is Diana, and Joe was an accident (fortunate). My journey has shown me that there are no accidents - there's always a reason for everything. Joe will begin his journey to become a god, and we'll hopefully learn some very important things along the way. I may not be able to use any powers until he matures and grants them to me as I've done him. I look forward to hugging him.
I have another son, Dillon, with ex-wife Maria, who is 9 now. He will be the 4th show in about 10 years.
I have a beautiful daughter, Nicole, with ex-wife Maria, who is 7 now. In 15-30 years, she'll marry and mate with a wonderful gentlemen, and we'll find out if the crystal ball is correct - whether her offspring will yield a god. The crystal ball (future timeline) is illusive, so I'm going to modify the previous statement. The crystal ball told me that females carried the god gene, but didn't become gods (only males). You see how unreliable the crystal ball is? I'm now pretty sure she will begin her journey in about 11 years to become a goddess.
On March, 25, 2004, I found out, psychically, that I had a daughter with Missie, from Smallville, back in 86, but she kept it a secret from everyone. Everybody was is in shock/delight about this find (like we struck a $trillion gold reserve), as we can find out 12 years earlier (instead of Nicole above) how a female becomes a god. The time-table is unclear. I think she is 19 and is named Mary, and will start her journey toward godliness very soon. I hear she is hot, and men are lining up for her love, to have a baby within a few years to see what her offspring yields.
I consider myself of mixture of three people:
Jim Carey - Like Jim, I love to make people laugh. And although I can't make his facial expressions and body contortions, I have my own flamboyant way of making a scene. I hate repeating myself, and will always try to put a different spin on the same joke. That's why I love Ryan Stiles, Colin Mockery, Wayne Brady, and the whole cast of "Whose line is it anyway". These people are incredibly talented when it comes to improvisation.
Howard Stern - I bill myself as "The King of all Freaks". Although I would love to have his hair, I have the potential of saying the outrageous and bold (including sexual) to nearly anybody. In combination with the scientific approach of Human Sexuality 101, the practical jokes of Andy Kaufman, and the Seinfeld-like common-sense take on the world, I will do and say anything to get a laugh/reaction from someone. In Howard's story (Private Parts - FYI, that is based on Howard, not me), he knew people, and knew what people wanted to hear, and like sitcoms, who perform the outrageous which appeals to the masses, Howard decided to use an outrageous off-the-wall style to entertain his audience, but it is real. "How dare we do the sitcom unthinkable in real-life! We need to be professional in life! We need to keep our sexuality in the closet." Never has so many simultaneous hard-ons occurred while on the way to work while listening to his show. We all put on masks in life, and Howard took his off. He proved that each one of us can succeed in our own unusual way, beating the system, while showing that being "real" (honest) is the way we all really strive to be in life. Fortunately for Howard, it only took a few weeks'/months' time to get the new ratings to determine that he was indeed a winner. Unfortunately, for me, it's taken over five years for me to show that I'm a winner. It took five years to prove to everybody that I was right. During that time, I had to bite my tongue, time after time, in one of the most frustrating times of my life in which people are constantly telling me that "Chris, you're Wrong Wrong Wrong! Chris you're not being poisoned! Chris, people aren't trying to defeat you! Chris, you have no wives!" To know that I'm right, but having no proof to back it up, and then when I have some proof, they ignore me, throw away evidence, make an alternative explanation, and insist that "I am wrong." I had a sit back and pray that I'm not insane as everybody's telling me - pray that something substantial emerges to show people as proof. Howard's show was similar to mine in many aspects. His employers were morons who were calling him the Antichrist. His angels were the public and the radio ratings, which protected him while he ventured forward with his vision, freaking out some of the county, while realizing that most of the country was with him, following/watching him in his journey of life via radio.
Bill Gates - Bill and I have a lot in common - we're both computer geeks. I was programming computers at age 13 on a Apple IIe and Commodore Vic 20 with 3.5 K of RAM (it was a power horse back then) and Apple IIe. I was programming assembly and basic - mostly to make games because I just loved video games and I always thought it would be my career in life. After six years of nuclear Navy, I had deep regrets. I could have spent the six years in a very timing-critical field called the computer revolution. The 6 years of Navy, although challenging and rewarding in every sense, essentially made me miss the boat, and I felt big regret for a number of years, mad that I could have been a major part of the Microsoft revolution or related computer industry. I eventually worked at IBM for 6 months making OS/2, the Windows operating system competitor. When that fell through the floor, Microsoft started hiring people from IBM. The bastard didn't hire me. I couldn't figure out what the hell I was doing wrong. Heck, I figured it was my BO, or maybe it was penis envy. It turns out Bill has been watching me for at least 10 or so years, and the jerk-off decided not to hire me (which would have kept me comforted) so he could feed me to the tigers in a computer industry which can hire and fire in a heartbeat and could care less of the feelings that get broken along the way. Now, 8 years later, he now thinks he can make up for this cruelty by telling me he wants to run for president with me. Bill can't make up his mind though. Similar to the decision whether he should wipe his ass with hundred or thousand dollar bills, he can't decide whether he should be the president or vice president. You see, I'm going to be so busy soon in litigation with lawsuits that it will be tough for me to do the presidential duties, but I think the plan is for me to run for President and Bill to be the vice, but he will probably be running the show for at least the first year. Bill's not used to taking the back seat to anybody (he checks mine out occasionally though), but maybe he'll make an exception if I give him a big hug. The way I talk, you would think I've met the guy before. We computer nerds all know each other and are quit alike. Besides the 60's glasses, the characteristics include logic - common-sense intelligence - the ability to reason. Were also very similar in that we're very competitive and very good at what we put our minds to. The big difference between us is that Bill is the most powerful person on the planet, and I am the most pathetic peon on the planet. You see, the type 3s have tried to defeat me so many times, the type 5s have kept calling me mentally ill, and the types 6/7s have been telling everybody how bad I am. So the combination of getting fired, defeated, and socially crucified has landed me in the poorhouse. I am currently on social security disability and I sold the rights to www.ivote.com.
To sum up all three, I would probably be a Conan O'Brien. Because of Crank Yankers and other prank methods they employ, maybe an Adam Corolla. Even more similar, with style (demeanor) and looks (with hair), would be Jimmy Kimmel. Or Adam Sandler because of his great voice and goofy style. People have even said I look like him.
So you're probably wondering how I'm going to finance my campaign. Well, my babes are going to give me all their money as long as I give her a baby occasionally. That's right! I'm a hoe! Why should anything change now that my show is over, when the previous eight years in my life everybody's been treating me like their bitch. They thought they were doing me for free, though. Little did they know that soon I'll be coming to collect my fee. And that's how I'm going to be a rich man. That might take a while, so meanwhile, I need to find more quick cash. I wonder if Bill Gates has any money? Eventually we will be the two most powerful people on the planet, but I have to think of the present. So we will combine our personas and campaign as "The most powerful peons on the planet - Freak and Geek!".
This site was built with the help of voice recognition software called Dragon Naturally speaking. I highly recommend it when trying to write lots of stuff.
Thanks to everybody who made my show possible. I want to especially thank Al Gore for creating the internet. Without it, my show would have been incomplete.
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